Beowulf

Thousand-year old poem meets Hollywood makeover equals Beowulf, the new film from special-effects wiz Robert Zemeckis. This is a very, very different movie from most action epics. For one, it's based on an ancient, classic poem. Second, it, in spite of the first fact, has a real plot. Third, it's made with an amazing, and of course, pricey, technology that captures actors' movements and turns them into animation.

With an all-star cast including Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Penn, John Malkovich, and in the title character, Ray Winstone, it's an excellent way to remake a poem. And especially with a gifted director who's made classics like Forrest Gump, the Back to the Future trilogy, and The Polar Express, it makes this all the more appealing.

Grendel is a monster. That's it. He looks like...Gollum, who got roasted to a spit, half eaten, and was shown Russell Crowe's toilet seat. That's how bad he looks. For some reason, he keeps attacking a Danish village, and so they need...a TOUGH WARRIOR! So, via a very dramatic entrance, Beowulf decides to slay this monster. And apparently, Beowulf is a huge man, so he decides to fight and kill Grendel - butt naked. This incurs the wrath of Grendel's hot, but violent, mother, in the form of a naked Angelina Jolie. Grendel's mom hypnotizes Beowulf into thinking Beowulf killed her.

30 years later, Beowulf is a great king, most nobly known for slaying Grendel and his mother. But for the first time in 30 years, odd things are happening, people are ending up dead. Could a new terror have arisen? Perhaps from a new beast? Perhaps Beowulf's son?

It's a unique, life-like experience. It feels astounding to inhale this new technology. There are moments so real, so unique, that you must see it to believe it. Now, why there's so much nudity, and why for some reason an ugly monster's mother happens to be a naked Angelina Jolie, few will know. Maybe college students. Still, it's a very fresh, very new take on that pesky poem we've all had to read in high school. A-