What Alvin and the Chipmunks, the adorable critters from the '60s are doing in such a predictable, corny, two-bit movie, only big studio executives know. That's the way I like it. Alvin and the Chipmunks is terrible because if you take you away the chipmunks, the movie amounts to nothing. Just a bunch of adults acting poorly and their characters acting like idiots.
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are three singing chipmunks in a tree. The tree is cut down, and the trio wind up in the care of failing songwriter Dave. Dave and the Chipmunks get to work, and the Chipmunks become a huge success. But their success is pushed by selfish record-producer Ian, and soon they leave Dave for Ian. But (shock!) they realize that Dave was best all along. Can Dave get the Chipmunks back? Yawn...
The chipmunks are the very reason I considered giving this a D. Their singing is cute, but their interaction with the human world is horrendous. And I walked in the theater with a little manuscript in my head how it would turn out. Guess what happened? The two-bit role with the girlfriend, the selfish producer, the hugging moments, the songs the 'Munks would sing...
4-year olds, enjoy. People who enjoy cute little chipmuks acting like idiots, enjoy. People who appreciate a good, original movie? Stay away from this critter. D-
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
I Am Legend
Have you ever wondered to yourself, what it would be like to have New York City to yourself? As lightly as you may imagine it, Will Smith experiences it throughout I Am Legend. It's really, kind of fascinating to see a vision of a deserted New York, and Will Smith is phenomenal in this.
Now if only those zombies weren't so fake!
A cancer vaccine-turned-virus wipes out 90% of the human race, and the other 10% turn cannibalistic zombies. But that .0001 percentage of the rest is scientist Robert Neville and his dog, immune to the virus. Alone in NYC for 3 years, with the exception of 20 million nocturnal zombies, Neville hunts through the abandoned city for deer daily, keeps good exercise. He even sets up mannequins throughout the city and names them. He's half-insane. At one point in the movie, he shoots a mannequin just because it's out of place.
He hunts the zombies at night, at day tries to find a cure for the disease that spread so quickly. But Neville is running out of time, and his sanity is slipping.
The CGI zombies are incredibly fake. They move with no realism. They dash at incredible speeds and breath incredibly fast. It's really bad when a movie with only one real character has special effects this bad to interact with. But the $6 million scene where the Brooklyn Bridge is destroyed...It's a marvel of acting, production, and for the only time in the movie, special effects.
Yes, it's another fake-CGI monster movie, with a terrible ending to boot. But Will Smith saves the movie. B
Sunday, December 9, 2007
The Golden Compass
The tough thing about reviewing The Golden Compass is that there are so many complex levels to it. The acting, the special effects, the script, the religious and philosophical undertones. When Eragon came out last year...I'm not known for my bad criticism, but Eragon was horrid in every imaginable way. Which is why it's so odd as to why it's so deep, so complex.
There's a lot of controversy surrounding this movie, and the Catholic Church has even gone as far as to attempt to boycott it. I would like to leave a note, just to say, I'm not rating this movie based on it's controversial religous or philosophical implications. I believe in God, and am a Christian, but am purely rating this film on it's entertainment, production and acting values. Not to say I agree with the film's implications.
The film is set in an alternate universe where human souls are not in their bodies, but in the form of an animal companion, called a daemon. Lyra is a 12-year old girl, beautiful, but very mischevious. She is good friends with a boy named Roger, but when Roger is kidnapped by Gobblers (child abductors) Lyra vows to save him. However, when a mysterious woman named Mrs. Coulter asks Lyra to go to the North with her, Lyra can't pass up the oppurtunity. But Mrs. Coulter is not who she seems, and nor are the circumstances of Roger's abduction...
The acting is excellent, especially with Nicole Kidman and young Dakota Richards, and the special effects are simply magnificent. However, the storytelling is murky and it feels very rushed. And seriously, did they HAVE to get the guy who did American Pie for this? I'm not asking for Steven Spielberg here, but they should have gotten someone with more experience.
I was entertained, occasionally awed by The Golden Compass. But the story is incoherent, and I wasn't crazy about the religious references. C
There's a lot of controversy surrounding this movie, and the Catholic Church has even gone as far as to attempt to boycott it. I would like to leave a note, just to say, I'm not rating this movie based on it's controversial religous or philosophical implications. I believe in God, and am a Christian, but am purely rating this film on it's entertainment, production and acting values. Not to say I agree with the film's implications.
The film is set in an alternate universe where human souls are not in their bodies, but in the form of an animal companion, called a daemon. Lyra is a 12-year old girl, beautiful, but very mischevious. She is good friends with a boy named Roger, but when Roger is kidnapped by Gobblers (child abductors) Lyra vows to save him. However, when a mysterious woman named Mrs. Coulter asks Lyra to go to the North with her, Lyra can't pass up the oppurtunity. But Mrs. Coulter is not who she seems, and nor are the circumstances of Roger's abduction...
The acting is excellent, especially with Nicole Kidman and young Dakota Richards, and the special effects are simply magnificent. However, the storytelling is murky and it feels very rushed. And seriously, did they HAVE to get the guy who did American Pie for this? I'm not asking for Steven Spielberg here, but they should have gotten someone with more experience.
I was entertained, occasionally awed by The Golden Compass. But the story is incoherent, and I wasn't crazy about the religious references. C
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Enchanted
Disney princess meets New York City equals Enchanted, the latest Disney concoction. It's probably Disney's best original movie in years, which isn't saying much as Home on the Range and Brother Bear are really weak competition. It's unusually witty for a Disney film, and I don't believe there was a single fart joke in it. I know. Scary.
Giselle is a beautiful, typical Disney character in the animated world of Andalasia. Her voice alone summons cute little critters that help her clean daily. But she longs for a handsome prince. Meanwhile, Prince Edward is a handsome, typical prince, whose workout consists of slaying trolls. After a chance encounter, Giselle and Edward become engaged, to be married the next day. On the wedding day, the evil queen, jealous of Giselle, pushes her down a portal, into the fantastical, yet very different land of...New York City.
She wanders the streets, asking for directions to the castle and where her handsome prince is. After falling off a castle-decorated billboard, she is caught by Robert, a widower lawyer with a daughter obsessed with princesses. Meanwhile, Edward and his chipmunk sidekick Pip go through the portal to save Giselle. Robert is annoyed with Giselle's stubborn "princess-y" thoughts, but develops a friendship with her. Now Giselle's beginning to question if she even wants to go back.
What a witty, smart movie. Disney's finally done a smart move - make a homage to the classic Disney princesses and mix it in with a good story. Amy Adams carries this movie, and does so with charm, beauty, and good acting. Enchanted doesn't live up to it's title, but it sure comes close. A-
Giselle is a beautiful, typical Disney character in the animated world of Andalasia. Her voice alone summons cute little critters that help her clean daily. But she longs for a handsome prince. Meanwhile, Prince Edward is a handsome, typical prince, whose workout consists of slaying trolls. After a chance encounter, Giselle and Edward become engaged, to be married the next day. On the wedding day, the evil queen, jealous of Giselle, pushes her down a portal, into the fantastical, yet very different land of...New York City.
She wanders the streets, asking for directions to the castle and where her handsome prince is. After falling off a castle-decorated billboard, she is caught by Robert, a widower lawyer with a daughter obsessed with princesses. Meanwhile, Edward and his chipmunk sidekick Pip go through the portal to save Giselle. Robert is annoyed with Giselle's stubborn "princess-y" thoughts, but develops a friendship with her. Now Giselle's beginning to question if she even wants to go back.
What a witty, smart movie. Disney's finally done a smart move - make a homage to the classic Disney princesses and mix it in with a good story. Amy Adams carries this movie, and does so with charm, beauty, and good acting. Enchanted doesn't live up to it's title, but it sure comes close. A-
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Beowulf
Thousand-year old poem meets Hollywood makeover equals Beowulf, the new film from special-effects wiz Robert Zemeckis. This is a very, very different movie from most action epics. For one, it's based on an ancient, classic poem. Second, it, in spite of the first fact, has a real plot. Third, it's made with an amazing, and of course, pricey, technology that captures actors' movements and turns them into animation.
With an all-star cast including Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Penn, John Malkovich, and in the title character, Ray Winstone, it's an excellent way to remake a poem. And especially with a gifted director who's made classics like Forrest Gump, the Back to the Future trilogy, and The Polar Express, it makes this all the more appealing.
Grendel is a monster. That's it. He looks like...Gollum, who got roasted to a spit, half eaten, and was shown Russell Crowe's toilet seat. That's how bad he looks. For some reason, he keeps attacking a Danish village, and so they need...a TOUGH WARRIOR! So, via a very dramatic entrance, Beowulf decides to slay this monster. And apparently, Beowulf is a huge man, so he decides to fight and kill Grendel - butt naked. This incurs the wrath of Grendel's hot, but violent, mother, in the form of a naked Angelina Jolie. Grendel's mom hypnotizes Beowulf into thinking Beowulf killed her.
30 years later, Beowulf is a great king, most nobly known for slaying Grendel and his mother. But for the first time in 30 years, odd things are happening, people are ending up dead. Could a new terror have arisen? Perhaps from a new beast? Perhaps Beowulf's son?
It's a unique, life-like experience. It feels astounding to inhale this new technology. There are moments so real, so unique, that you must see it to believe it. Now, why there's so much nudity, and why for some reason an ugly monster's mother happens to be a naked Angelina Jolie, few will know. Maybe college students. Still, it's a very fresh, very new take on that pesky poem we've all had to read in high school. A-
With an all-star cast including Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Penn, John Malkovich, and in the title character, Ray Winstone, it's an excellent way to remake a poem. And especially with a gifted director who's made classics like Forrest Gump, the Back to the Future trilogy, and The Polar Express, it makes this all the more appealing.
Grendel is a monster. That's it. He looks like...Gollum, who got roasted to a spit, half eaten, and was shown Russell Crowe's toilet seat. That's how bad he looks. For some reason, he keeps attacking a Danish village, and so they need...a TOUGH WARRIOR! So, via a very dramatic entrance, Beowulf decides to slay this monster. And apparently, Beowulf is a huge man, so he decides to fight and kill Grendel - butt naked. This incurs the wrath of Grendel's hot, but violent, mother, in the form of a naked Angelina Jolie. Grendel's mom hypnotizes Beowulf into thinking Beowulf killed her.
30 years later, Beowulf is a great king, most nobly known for slaying Grendel and his mother. But for the first time in 30 years, odd things are happening, people are ending up dead. Could a new terror have arisen? Perhaps from a new beast? Perhaps Beowulf's son?
It's a unique, life-like experience. It feels astounding to inhale this new technology. There are moments so real, so unique, that you must see it to believe it. Now, why there's so much nudity, and why for some reason an ugly monster's mother happens to be a naked Angelina Jolie, few will know. Maybe college students. Still, it's a very fresh, very new take on that pesky poem we've all had to read in high school. A-
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Bee Movie
Jerry Seinfeld returns to the screen, animated-style, in Bee Movie. It's been nine years since Seinfeld ended his sitcom, appropriately-named Seinfeld, to the tune of 75 million viewers. We really haven't seen that much of him, aside from the Seinfeld re-runs that net him a couple thousand dollars an episode. But when I saw the trailers for this, I literally yelled, "Woo-Hoo!" after Jerry Seinfeld turned up on the credits.
I had to see this. I repeat. HAD to see this. I begged Mom. I planned my 11th birthday party around it (yes, now I am 11). I purchased the $200 "Complete Series" Seinfeld box set. I went to the theater and saw it. What I saw was unlike the fart jokes of Shrek the Third or the pop-culture cracks of Happily N'Ever After, a witty movie that didn't rely on pop-culture references, but was actually propelled forward by a story that, albeit pretty unrealistic, was funny and original.
Barry B. Benson (get the pun?) is a bee living in a hive, who recently has graduated from college, and is very discontent for the sole future that awaits all bees: work in the hive till you die. That's it. He does a huge social stunt - he goes out of the hive, to New York City. And he actually enjoys it. There's a few funny scenes that show Barry becoming acquainted to his urban environment. Barry befriends a florist, Vanessa, (yes, you read that correctly), and they hang out together. Then Barry discovers that, well, we humans eat honey. See where this is going?
It's really boring in the last half until an action sequence aboard a plane, but it's still amusing to see Seinfeld still doing his thing - even though it's turned down for the kiddies. Recommended, but many, MANY times, you must suspend your disbelief. B-
I had to see this. I repeat. HAD to see this. I begged Mom. I planned my 11th birthday party around it (yes, now I am 11). I purchased the $200 "Complete Series" Seinfeld box set. I went to the theater and saw it. What I saw was unlike the fart jokes of Shrek the Third or the pop-culture cracks of Happily N'Ever After, a witty movie that didn't rely on pop-culture references, but was actually propelled forward by a story that, albeit pretty unrealistic, was funny and original.
Barry B. Benson (get the pun?) is a bee living in a hive, who recently has graduated from college, and is very discontent for the sole future that awaits all bees: work in the hive till you die. That's it. He does a huge social stunt - he goes out of the hive, to New York City. And he actually enjoys it. There's a few funny scenes that show Barry becoming acquainted to his urban environment. Barry befriends a florist, Vanessa, (yes, you read that correctly), and they hang out together. Then Barry discovers that, well, we humans eat honey. See where this is going?
It's really boring in the last half until an action sequence aboard a plane, but it's still amusing to see Seinfeld still doing his thing - even though it's turned down for the kiddies. Recommended, but many, MANY times, you must suspend your disbelief. B-
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Dan in Real Life
After meeting a girl in a book store, Steve Carell says to brother Dane Cook,
"I think this girl is already taken."
"Not my problem."
"Yes it is."
Thus sets the premise of Dan in Real Life, about during a stay at the family cottage how an widower advice columnist falls in love - with his brother's girlfriend. Steve Carell works up once of his best performances in the new romantic dramedy, Dan in Real Life. When you consider how terrible his recent film Evan Almighty was, you really appreciate how natural and easy Carell acts - and that goes for the rest of the cast. Juliette Binoche, an incredible actress, is given a surprisingly deep role, as far as romantic comedy roles go for women nowadays.
Dan Burns is an widower advice columnist, with three beautiful daughters and one big family. So for the weekend they go and stay at the family cottage, and he goes to a bookstore. Then he meets Marie. They flirt, they talk, they eat. They seem almost made for each other...Then they have to go. Then, back at the house, Dan's bro Mitch introduces Dan to his girlfriend. Marie.
It's a very indie-style, romantic, sweet, funny movie. The naturality of the performances is well to praise, and the script is witty and funny. It's really a rarity, especially when this time of year we get pigeon-holed with R-rated dramas, that we get a movie as honest and open as this.
It lacks that traditional Steve Carell edge, but makes up for it in it's humor, sweetness, wit, and performances. A-
"I think this girl is already taken."
"Not my problem."
"Yes it is."
Thus sets the premise of Dan in Real Life, about during a stay at the family cottage how an widower advice columnist falls in love - with his brother's girlfriend. Steve Carell works up once of his best performances in the new romantic dramedy, Dan in Real Life. When you consider how terrible his recent film Evan Almighty was, you really appreciate how natural and easy Carell acts - and that goes for the rest of the cast. Juliette Binoche, an incredible actress, is given a surprisingly deep role, as far as romantic comedy roles go for women nowadays.
Dan Burns is an widower advice columnist, with three beautiful daughters and one big family. So for the weekend they go and stay at the family cottage, and he goes to a bookstore. Then he meets Marie. They flirt, they talk, they eat. They seem almost made for each other...Then they have to go. Then, back at the house, Dan's bro Mitch introduces Dan to his girlfriend. Marie.
It's a very indie-style, romantic, sweet, funny movie. The naturality of the performances is well to praise, and the script is witty and funny. It's really a rarity, especially when this time of year we get pigeon-holed with R-rated dramas, that we get a movie as honest and open as this.
It lacks that traditional Steve Carell edge, but makes up for it in it's humor, sweetness, wit, and performances. A-
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Cate Blanchett reprises her Golden-Globe winning role in a commanding performance as Queen Elizabeth I in this sequel, Elizabeth: The Golden Age. The 1998 semi-classic put Cate Blanchett on the map as a real actress. 9 years later, Cate Blanchett has established herself as one of the greatest, most versatile actresses of our time and thus returns to this sequel. And what we get is kind of a mixed bag.
1585. Spain and England are on the brink of war. Catholic Spain sees Protestant England as a threat, and thus, plots to overtake the throne and make it their land. In England, a sailor named Walter Raleigh presents several new goods from the New World, including gold, potatoes, and tobacco. The queen immediately falls in love with Raleigh, however it is terrible for timing. Catholics plot an attempt on the Queen's life, in the hope that Spanish correspondent Queen Mary of Scots will take over. History would call it the Babington Plot. But Spain amasses a huge armada to attack England. Shall Spain triumph and England crumble? Or will England hold off the massive army?
The problem with this movie is it's basically a 2-hour segment of a 20-hour movie. The first movie was the first chapter, and now this sequel is the seventh. What happened in between they assume us to know, as it is a part of history. But still, I wish they filled the blanks in better. The action scenes show us what happened, but almost never show why. And some of the dialogue is just downright wooden.
But here's the upside. Cate Blanchett is amazing, repeat, AMAZING, as Queen Elizabeth. (again) She commands the screen with such grace and prescence...It truly feels like you're watching her. Clive Owen is very good as the explorer Walter Raleigh, and Samantha Morton is excellent in a few scenes as Mary of Scots. And the costumes, sets, cinematography, and design is downright beautiful.
Overall, in order to understand this, you should probably watch the first and do some reading on Queen Elizabeth I. Remember, Elizabeth I & II are partly fictionalized, so don't expect supreme accuracy. The muddled plot and dialogue are saved by the design and acting...But just barely. B-
1585. Spain and England are on the brink of war. Catholic Spain sees Protestant England as a threat, and thus, plots to overtake the throne and make it their land. In England, a sailor named Walter Raleigh presents several new goods from the New World, including gold, potatoes, and tobacco. The queen immediately falls in love with Raleigh, however it is terrible for timing. Catholics plot an attempt on the Queen's life, in the hope that Spanish correspondent Queen Mary of Scots will take over. History would call it the Babington Plot. But Spain amasses a huge armada to attack England. Shall Spain triumph and England crumble? Or will England hold off the massive army?
The problem with this movie is it's basically a 2-hour segment of a 20-hour movie. The first movie was the first chapter, and now this sequel is the seventh. What happened in between they assume us to know, as it is a part of history. But still, I wish they filled the blanks in better. The action scenes show us what happened, but almost never show why. And some of the dialogue is just downright wooden.
But here's the upside. Cate Blanchett is amazing, repeat, AMAZING, as Queen Elizabeth. (again) She commands the screen with such grace and prescence...It truly feels like you're watching her. Clive Owen is very good as the explorer Walter Raleigh, and Samantha Morton is excellent in a few scenes as Mary of Scots. And the costumes, sets, cinematography, and design is downright beautiful.
Overall, in order to understand this, you should probably watch the first and do some reading on Queen Elizabeth I. Remember, Elizabeth I & II are partly fictionalized, so don't expect supreme accuracy. The muddled plot and dialogue are saved by the design and acting...But just barely. B-
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The Game Plan
The Game Plan is so cutesy and typical my mother and I predicted the last half-hour line-for-line, and a shocking thing happened! We were right! For half the adults out there who've had to endure all the Disney movies with their kids over the last 15 years, you should see the trailer, then write a 2-page outline of the movie, bring it into the theater, and see if you're right! And also it suffers multi-personality disorder, one minute The Rock is doing ballet, next he's bringing his unconscious daughter to a hospital! And despite charismatic and funny performances from The Rock and 8-year old Madision Pettis and some funny gags, it just doesn't work.
Joe Kingman is a huge pro football star who seems to have it all - big apartment, cute dog, fame. But one day he discovers something he never knew he had - a daughter named Peyton. Her mother sent off to Africa for a month, a reluctant Joe takes Peyton under his wing. At first, naturally, he's mean and snobbish, and yet 20 minutes later he's performing ballet and chilling out at a doll store! And when it tries to get emotional (which happens often), it collapses under it's own weight, with the exception of a hilarious argument between Joe and Peyton.
Overall, it's fine for a $3 rental, but a $10 ticket? Heck , no. C-
Joe Kingman is a huge pro football star who seems to have it all - big apartment, cute dog, fame. But one day he discovers something he never knew he had - a daughter named Peyton. Her mother sent off to Africa for a month, a reluctant Joe takes Peyton under his wing. At first, naturally, he's mean and snobbish, and yet 20 minutes later he's performing ballet and chilling out at a doll store! And when it tries to get emotional (which happens often), it collapses under it's own weight, with the exception of a hilarious argument between Joe and Peyton.
Overall, it's fine for a $3 rental, but a $10 ticket? Heck , no. C-
Saturday, September 22, 2007
3:10 to Yuma
Over the years, the Western has degenerated from a rousing, exciting drama (The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly) to a vehicle for veteran actors to pay off their water bill. (Uh...everything from the past 10 years). 3:10 to Yuma not only offers a thrill ride not seen this year since Die Hard 4, but a fascinating character study, an action-packed roller coaster, and excellent performances from Russell Crowe and Christian Bale.
Russell Crowe plays Ben Wade, a notorious outlaw, who gets caught looting in a town. Local rancher Dan Evans is a family man, whose financial and personal problems are escalated when people burn down his barn. And so, Dan is offered $200 to get Ben on the 3:10 train to Yuma, so he can be brought to justice. But when Ben begins to murder his captors, and his gang come after them, AND Dan's son tags along, AND, Ben offers Dan $1,000 dollars if he lets him go, many things go awry.
This truly is a fascinating movie, with a shocker of an ending that left yours truly in semi-tears. (For me, Titanic jerks head-on tears) The idea of good guy befriending bad guy, before bad guy is to be hanged worked 50 years ago, and works in this remake. Russell Crowe is my favorite 'appreciated' actor, and Christian Bale my favorite 'underrated' actor, the chemistry is very good. I have reviewed several entertaining movies, but at that not many excellent movies. This is one of the year's, no, the decade's, absolute best. A
Russell Crowe plays Ben Wade, a notorious outlaw, who gets caught looting in a town. Local rancher Dan Evans is a family man, whose financial and personal problems are escalated when people burn down his barn. And so, Dan is offered $200 to get Ben on the 3:10 train to Yuma, so he can be brought to justice. But when Ben begins to murder his captors, and his gang come after them, AND Dan's son tags along, AND, Ben offers Dan $1,000 dollars if he lets him go, many things go awry.
This truly is a fascinating movie, with a shocker of an ending that left yours truly in semi-tears. (For me, Titanic jerks head-on tears) The idea of good guy befriending bad guy, before bad guy is to be hanged worked 50 years ago, and works in this remake. Russell Crowe is my favorite 'appreciated' actor, and Christian Bale my favorite 'underrated' actor, the chemistry is very good. I have reviewed several entertaining movies, but at that not many excellent movies. This is one of the year's, no, the decade's, absolute best. A
Sunday, August 19, 2007
High School Musical 2
High School Musical is a phenomenon. I don't know else to say it. It is a weed, a huge weed that has spread through the whole garden. It truly is a mystery of it's huge popularity. At the time of it's debut on television, it was just another of the 7-odd movies made for Disney Channel yearly. But not only has it attracted a golden soundtrack and over 100 million viewers, but a huge fan base of 8-year old Zac Efron-wannabes.
Given Disney's hyperkinetic need to cash in on everything, not only did we get this TV-movie sequel, but next year we get High School Musical 3 - in theaters. The songs in this film are catchy as ever, and the plot is plodded and predictable as ever. It's actually more entertaining, dramatic, funny, and zippy than the first. And that's saying something.
School's out, much to the joy of East High School. Now all of our favorite characters are back, which means that Troy and Gabriella are still together - boytoy and galpal, much to Sharpay's dismay. When just about everyone at East High gets hired at Sharpay's favorite country club, it presents an open opportunity for Sharpay to finally win over Troy, who wrestles with the fact that his friends are losing respect for him.
It's no masterpiece, and really if you buy the soundtrack you buy the whole movie. But it is a made-for-TV-movie of the highest order, and dare I say it?
It's better than the original. B
Given Disney's hyperkinetic need to cash in on everything, not only did we get this TV-movie sequel, but next year we get High School Musical 3 - in theaters. The songs in this film are catchy as ever, and the plot is plodded and predictable as ever. It's actually more entertaining, dramatic, funny, and zippy than the first. And that's saying something.
School's out, much to the joy of East High School. Now all of our favorite characters are back, which means that Troy and Gabriella are still together - boytoy and galpal, much to Sharpay's dismay. When just about everyone at East High gets hired at Sharpay's favorite country club, it presents an open opportunity for Sharpay to finally win over Troy, who wrestles with the fact that his friends are losing respect for him.
It's no masterpiece, and really if you buy the soundtrack you buy the whole movie. But it is a made-for-TV-movie of the highest order, and dare I say it?
It's better than the original. B
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Rush Hour 3
Rush Hour 3 is rushed, under-written, stupid, over-acted, and lacking in creativity. Oh, and 4 years too late. It's the perfect opposite of recent, superior threequel The Bourne Ultimatum. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are back, and while their chemistry is the best part of the movie, Chan's way too old, and Tucker hasn't been in a movie for 6 years and probably did it for the paycheck.
Rush Hour was a nice surprise, if only for the fact that no one ever really expected much of it. Rush Hour 2 was entertaining, even if it was a cash-in on the first. But this...It really just kills the franchise. Most of the film is just unwatchable, with dialogue that makes you laugh out loud. It's hilarious for all the wrong reasons. The acting is terrible, there's only two or three gags that work, and the best two scenes are the ending action sequence and the credits.
Hmm...I'll try to divulge a plot. A criminal organization is after a list which names several crime bosses. And, as always, Chief Inspector Lee and Detective Carter are assigned to the case, taking them from the underworld of France, to the slums of L.A., to the top of the Eiffel Tower in a massive showdown.
Really, this is a terrible movie. I feel so disappointed. Ranks with Evan Almighty as the worst movies so far this year. Miss it. D+
Rush Hour was a nice surprise, if only for the fact that no one ever really expected much of it. Rush Hour 2 was entertaining, even if it was a cash-in on the first. But this...It really just kills the franchise. Most of the film is just unwatchable, with dialogue that makes you laugh out loud. It's hilarious for all the wrong reasons. The acting is terrible, there's only two or three gags that work, and the best two scenes are the ending action sequence and the credits.
Hmm...I'll try to divulge a plot. A criminal organization is after a list which names several crime bosses. And, as always, Chief Inspector Lee and Detective Carter are assigned to the case, taking them from the underworld of France, to the slums of L.A., to the top of the Eiffel Tower in a massive showdown.
Really, this is a terrible movie. I feel so disappointed. Ranks with Evan Almighty as the worst movies so far this year. Miss it. D+
Friday, August 10, 2007
The Bourne Ultimatum
(Note: I'm beginning to think, myself, that I am writing too many positive reviews. So as is such, after this review, I will begin to look for movies to dislike, not movies to be entertained by. So yes, that does mean another positive review. Boo-hoo. 11 positive. 2 negative.)
Matt Damon is back for his third outing as amnesiac super-spy Jason Bourne in The Bourne Ultimatum. I haven't seen the first two films but not only does The Bourne Ultimatum explain the back-story of the first two excellently, but, I vow, with the 20 bucks in my wallet, to buy the first two.
No, it isn't the best summer blockbuster so far, though my title for most realistic goes to this. It's essentially a two-hour chase movie with excellent performances and a desperate need for a SteadyCam. Yes, the camera work is still jittery and unstill as the second one, and in the action scenes half the time you have no idea who's hitting who.
But, despite the movie keeping you grasped from start to finish, the best scenes are with the corrupt CIA agent, played well by David Straithairn. He's doing wrong, he knows it, and uses it to embolden him. And, similar to last year's Casino Royale, the driving force of the movie is the principal actor, Matt Damon. He has long been one of the best actors in the business, and the Bourne series really started his reputation as an action hero. He handles the dramatic material with a really fierce intensity - and also dukes it out to the baddies very well.
In the beginning of the first film, a man named Jason Bourne is found adrift at sea. He doesn't remember who he is, and through out the series he gradually attempts to find out who he was. All he knows is that he volunteered for an CIA assassination program, and they have been out to kill him. The film begins, with a wounded Bourne attempting to find refuge in Moscow. He reads an article from The Guardian on him and an Operation Blackbriar. He goes to London to go to the journalist who wrote it, and find out the source.
But - ah-ah-ah. Our friends from the CIA gun down the journalist, but not before he gives his source. And another man with vital information is blown up - a la The Godfather. And once again, but not before the man with ALL the information is given away. So Bourne must go to New York City to find out the truth about who he is. He recieves help from local operative Nicky Persons, and old friend Pamela Landy. But with the entire CIA and several assassins after him, can Bourne stay alive another hour? Another day? B+
Matt Damon is back for his third outing as amnesiac super-spy Jason Bourne in The Bourne Ultimatum. I haven't seen the first two films but not only does The Bourne Ultimatum explain the back-story of the first two excellently, but, I vow, with the 20 bucks in my wallet, to buy the first two.
No, it isn't the best summer blockbuster so far, though my title for most realistic goes to this. It's essentially a two-hour chase movie with excellent performances and a desperate need for a SteadyCam. Yes, the camera work is still jittery and unstill as the second one, and in the action scenes half the time you have no idea who's hitting who.
But, despite the movie keeping you grasped from start to finish, the best scenes are with the corrupt CIA agent, played well by David Straithairn. He's doing wrong, he knows it, and uses it to embolden him. And, similar to last year's Casino Royale, the driving force of the movie is the principal actor, Matt Damon. He has long been one of the best actors in the business, and the Bourne series really started his reputation as an action hero. He handles the dramatic material with a really fierce intensity - and also dukes it out to the baddies very well.
In the beginning of the first film, a man named Jason Bourne is found adrift at sea. He doesn't remember who he is, and through out the series he gradually attempts to find out who he was. All he knows is that he volunteered for an CIA assassination program, and they have been out to kill him. The film begins, with a wounded Bourne attempting to find refuge in Moscow. He reads an article from The Guardian on him and an Operation Blackbriar. He goes to London to go to the journalist who wrote it, and find out the source.
But - ah-ah-ah. Our friends from the CIA gun down the journalist, but not before he gives his source. And another man with vital information is blown up - a la The Godfather. And once again, but not before the man with ALL the information is given away. So Bourne must go to New York City to find out the truth about who he is. He recieves help from local operative Nicky Persons, and old friend Pamela Landy. But with the entire CIA and several assassins after him, can Bourne stay alive another hour? Another day? B+
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The Simpsons Movie
Now the longest-running TV show in history is the funniest movie of the year...That's right, our friends Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Flanders, Barney, Moe, Itchy, Scratchy, Lovejoy, Apu, Wiggum, Ralph, Skinner, and Dr. Nick plus Green Day, Albert Brooks, Minnie Driver, and a special guest appearance by Tom Hanks. Call it an ensemble cast, and a fine one at that.
The Simpsons is up with I Love Lucy and Seinfield as the greatest American TV shows ever. I mean, this show has been running for 18 years, with 400+ episodes and countless bootleg Bart Simpson T-shirts and has really became part of American culture. And with that, this is probably the most anticipated movie of the summer, for most TV watchers. Considering the relative disappointment of The Spongebob Movie, a lot of people (including myself) were very skeptical as the trailers debuted.
I assure even the most hardened and skeptical moviegoers that they will have the most fun at the theaters than any other movie this year at The Simpsons Movie. This is so gut-bustlingly, and consistenly funny that I swear I need a surgery on my gut. The humor ranges from the most obvious to the most cynical, political gags in recent memory. A guest appearance from the popular rock band Green Day is one of the highlights of the film, despite being killed by an angry mob two minutes into their performance. (A reference to Titanic follows).
Here's the plot. Homer adopts a new pet pig, who he names Harry Plopper. Marge is nervous about the pig, especially concerning its droppings. And seeing as their town Springfield is the most polluted town in America, the corrupt government (headed by Arnold Schwarzenegger) sees fit to put an unbreakable dome over the town, thus sealing them in. Things get much worse when Homer drops the pig's poop in the lake. Now, the water is completely contaminated, and an angry mob goes after the Simpsons. After a bizarre escape from the dome, Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie go on the run. But after the government decides to blow Springfield away, the Simpsons must unite to save the town that tried to kill them. And along the way, discover the importance of family.
Oh, and Bart skateboards around Springfield naked, and discovers the wonders of whiskey.
And Lisa gets a boyfriend, Colin.
And baby Maggie knocks out a politician.
And Dr. Nick gets blown up. (Oops.)
Sound entertaining? Boy, get down to the theater and BUY THAT TICKET! A-
The Simpsons is up with I Love Lucy and Seinfield as the greatest American TV shows ever. I mean, this show has been running for 18 years, with 400+ episodes and countless bootleg Bart Simpson T-shirts and has really became part of American culture. And with that, this is probably the most anticipated movie of the summer, for most TV watchers. Considering the relative disappointment of The Spongebob Movie, a lot of people (including myself) were very skeptical as the trailers debuted.
I assure even the most hardened and skeptical moviegoers that they will have the most fun at the theaters than any other movie this year at The Simpsons Movie. This is so gut-bustlingly, and consistenly funny that I swear I need a surgery on my gut. The humor ranges from the most obvious to the most cynical, political gags in recent memory. A guest appearance from the popular rock band Green Day is one of the highlights of the film, despite being killed by an angry mob two minutes into their performance. (A reference to Titanic follows).
Here's the plot. Homer adopts a new pet pig, who he names Harry Plopper. Marge is nervous about the pig, especially concerning its droppings. And seeing as their town Springfield is the most polluted town in America, the corrupt government (headed by Arnold Schwarzenegger) sees fit to put an unbreakable dome over the town, thus sealing them in. Things get much worse when Homer drops the pig's poop in the lake. Now, the water is completely contaminated, and an angry mob goes after the Simpsons. After a bizarre escape from the dome, Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie go on the run. But after the government decides to blow Springfield away, the Simpsons must unite to save the town that tried to kill them. And along the way, discover the importance of family.
Oh, and Bart skateboards around Springfield naked, and discovers the wonders of whiskey.
And Lisa gets a boyfriend, Colin.
And baby Maggie knocks out a politician.
And Dr. Nick gets blown up. (Oops.)
Sound entertaining? Boy, get down to the theater and BUY THAT TICKET! A-
Monday, July 16, 2007
Evan Almighty
The amazing thing about Evan Almighty is not the special effects, nor the comic talent of Steve Carell, but how $175 million bucks was squandered on a movie so unfunny. To see that the most expensive comedy of all time barely has a laugh to show for it. No, because every half-laugh that there is in the film is in the trailer. It feels like they spent all that money to make a comedy whose laughs were compressed into a 3-minute advertisement.
Actually, it feels more like a Sunday school lesson instead of a comedy. Whereas it's predecessor, Bruce Almighty, balanced the morale AND the laughs, (while keeping it under a steady budget), this is the absolute opposite. The morale is bloated at the expense of the laughs, and all they did was spend money, money, money.
Congressman Evan Baxter is successful, has a great family and a huge house. But God soon shows up, telling Evan to build an ark an load animals and people on it, as a huge flood will soon occur. Now, God makes Evan's hair grow rapidly and demands he wear a ragged, torn robe. Ha ha, we get it, he looks like Noah, and despite the best scene in the movie comes of this, the joke is vastly overused and, evidently enough, gets old.
Steve Carell was on a real hot streak, with Little Miss Sunshine and Over the Hedge. And his performance is much, much better than the script, but still falls slave to it. The movie tries to be too much, but really, falls prey to every family movie cliche in the book.
Truly, this is a most terrible movie. Even if you liked Bruce Almighty and are a fan of Steve Carell (like me), you won't like this movie...Don't see it, I beg you. D
Actually, it feels more like a Sunday school lesson instead of a comedy. Whereas it's predecessor, Bruce Almighty, balanced the morale AND the laughs, (while keeping it under a steady budget), this is the absolute opposite. The morale is bloated at the expense of the laughs, and all they did was spend money, money, money.
Congressman Evan Baxter is successful, has a great family and a huge house. But God soon shows up, telling Evan to build an ark an load animals and people on it, as a huge flood will soon occur. Now, God makes Evan's hair grow rapidly and demands he wear a ragged, torn robe. Ha ha, we get it, he looks like Noah, and despite the best scene in the movie comes of this, the joke is vastly overused and, evidently enough, gets old.
Steve Carell was on a real hot streak, with Little Miss Sunshine and Over the Hedge. And his performance is much, much better than the script, but still falls slave to it. The movie tries to be too much, but really, falls prey to every family movie cliche in the book.
Truly, this is a most terrible movie. Even if you liked Bruce Almighty and are a fan of Steve Carell (like me), you won't like this movie...Don't see it, I beg you. D
Friday, July 13, 2007
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Is there a larger cultural phoenomenon than Harry Potter? From the large lines of fanboys who hungrily digest the next book to the increasingly casual question "So, have you read the Harry Potter books?", to the increasingly casual answer "Yeah.". I'm truly beginning to think that there isn't. I mean, who doesn't love a huge epic fantasy? According to the countless ripoffs like Eragon and Charlie Bone, probably no one.
But they are not just great for their well-written scope and action, they are fascinating in watching these characters grow up, in the movies and books. I have grown up with these people, and I will be very sad when the last book comes out. But that out of the way. I was kinda worried about Harry Potter when I heard that first-time director David Yates would take the helm. And admitedly, compressing a 900-page book into 2 hours isn't the smartest move, as some important stuff gets kicked out, but the general look and feel of the book is replicated. And answering the next question, this captures the emotion, the action, and the magic (irony intended) of the earlier films.
Mind you, this is not perfect...In fact, most characters are wasted: Ron only says "Bloody hell" and casts a few spells, and Hagrid is reduced to a monologue on how there's a storm coming. Harry as always has the most to do, and Daniel Radcliffe handles Harry Potter growing up with expertise.
Harry Potter is in his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There is the wizarding world he is a hero, a celebrity. But back in our world, the 'Muggle' world, he is treated like vermin by his only family, the Dursleys. So when Dementors from the wizarding world attack Harry and his cousin Dudley, Harry gets unfairly expelled from Hogwarts for using a spell in front of a Muggle. But, thank God for Headmaster Dumbledore, he saves Harry singlehandedly. Ever since the Dark Lord Voldemort returned, the wizarding world is split between disbelief and confusion, very few believe Harry's tragic eyewitness testimony.
So Harry gets to Hogwarts, and the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dolores Umbridge is straight from the Ministry of Magic, who after Voldemort's return are paranoid and disbelieving of Dumbledore and Harry. After last year a Hogwarts student was murdered, everyone is kinda scared from Harry now that The Daily Prophet (wizarding equivalent of The National Enquirer) is writing rubbish about Harry left and right - and everyone actually believes it.
The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher doesn't teach actual spells, a change that sits well with no one. So Harry's best chums Ron and Hermione convince him to form a club called 'Dumbledore's Army' to secretly teach other students spells for self-defense. It is a big success, as the students progress greatly. Better yet, it nets Harry his first kiss. But Voldemort is rising and building an army, resulting in a tragic end battle that will haunt Harry for the rest of his life.
Imelda Staunton is excellent as Dolores Umbridge, the powerhouse performance of the film. She is deliciously evil. She loves to be bad and we love watching. Ralph Fiennes is back as Voldemort, in a very chilling cameo. Helena Bonham Carter is wasted but good in a brief role as mentally insane wizard Bellatrix Lestrange
Despite having only one major action sequence, it is the most dark of all the Harry Potter films with some really gruesome stuff. But at the same time, oddly enough most of the movie is focused on Harry's inner demons, not his adventures...I, along with the other 28 million Harry Potter fanatics await the next film in 2008, and the last book later on this week...One might complain that the action is gone and so is the magic. I say the action is gone and the magic remains, stronger than ever. B+
But they are not just great for their well-written scope and action, they are fascinating in watching these characters grow up, in the movies and books. I have grown up with these people, and I will be very sad when the last book comes out. But that out of the way. I was kinda worried about Harry Potter when I heard that first-time director David Yates would take the helm. And admitedly, compressing a 900-page book into 2 hours isn't the smartest move, as some important stuff gets kicked out, but the general look and feel of the book is replicated. And answering the next question, this captures the emotion, the action, and the magic (irony intended) of the earlier films.
Mind you, this is not perfect...In fact, most characters are wasted: Ron only says "Bloody hell" and casts a few spells, and Hagrid is reduced to a monologue on how there's a storm coming. Harry as always has the most to do, and Daniel Radcliffe handles Harry Potter growing up with expertise.
Harry Potter is in his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There is the wizarding world he is a hero, a celebrity. But back in our world, the 'Muggle' world, he is treated like vermin by his only family, the Dursleys. So when Dementors from the wizarding world attack Harry and his cousin Dudley, Harry gets unfairly expelled from Hogwarts for using a spell in front of a Muggle. But, thank God for Headmaster Dumbledore, he saves Harry singlehandedly. Ever since the Dark Lord Voldemort returned, the wizarding world is split between disbelief and confusion, very few believe Harry's tragic eyewitness testimony.
So Harry gets to Hogwarts, and the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dolores Umbridge is straight from the Ministry of Magic, who after Voldemort's return are paranoid and disbelieving of Dumbledore and Harry. After last year a Hogwarts student was murdered, everyone is kinda scared from Harry now that The Daily Prophet (wizarding equivalent of The National Enquirer) is writing rubbish about Harry left and right - and everyone actually believes it.
The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher doesn't teach actual spells, a change that sits well with no one. So Harry's best chums Ron and Hermione convince him to form a club called 'Dumbledore's Army' to secretly teach other students spells for self-defense. It is a big success, as the students progress greatly. Better yet, it nets Harry his first kiss. But Voldemort is rising and building an army, resulting in a tragic end battle that will haunt Harry for the rest of his life.
Imelda Staunton is excellent as Dolores Umbridge, the powerhouse performance of the film. She is deliciously evil. She loves to be bad and we love watching. Ralph Fiennes is back as Voldemort, in a very chilling cameo. Helena Bonham Carter is wasted but good in a brief role as mentally insane wizard Bellatrix Lestrange
Despite having only one major action sequence, it is the most dark of all the Harry Potter films with some really gruesome stuff. But at the same time, oddly enough most of the movie is focused on Harry's inner demons, not his adventures...I, along with the other 28 million Harry Potter fanatics await the next film in 2008, and the last book later on this week...One might complain that the action is gone and so is the magic. I say the action is gone and the magic remains, stronger than ever. B+
Monday, July 9, 2007
Transformers
Here’s a sample of dialogue from ‘Transformers’.
“Bumblebee was a good soldier. We will not let him have died in vain! Now we will fight! To! Avenge! Bumblebee!”
Let me get this straight: for this stupid mess of a movie and the stupid toys of which it is based: I hate the source material on which it is based. That is the huge obstacle, the bridge, that you have to overcome to enjoy Transformers, and whilst I had no I idea I possibly had it in me, I jumped that bridge and made it. Despite almost being knocked back over.
So yes, it is a stupid mess of a movie, but a deliriously entertaining, shamelessly corny, stupid mess of a movie. It takes pride in the one-dimensional characters, the corny dialogue and clichés. But, while not being anywhere near greatness, it does quite well with the casting decisions…Especially that of Shia LaBeouf. He demonstrated his appeal in Holes and Surf’s Up, but the recent smash hit Disturbia showed his potential as an actor, a leading man. Here, he’s charismatic, charming, and can cook up a punch here and there too. He’s the best thing about the film, aside from the robots themselves.
There’s no real plot. There’s two races: Autobots (good guys) and Decepticons (bad guys). Their energy source is the Cube, which along with the leader of the Decepticons have been under military security for 60-odd years. Now, the Autobots and the Decepticons have awoken, and will duke it out on Earth in grand fashion…And the key to the Autobots’ victory lies in teenagers Sam Witwicky and Mikaela, whose destiny was intertwined with the Transformers nearly a century before.
Newcomer Megan Fox is generally easy on the eyes, and surprisingly good in the film as the teenage galpal. Along with Jon Voight as a military commander, John Turturro as a cocky general, Anthony Anderson as a computer hacker, and Tyrese Gibson & Josh Duhamel as two brave soldiers, it’s a pretty cool live-action cast.
And yet, the Transformers are so cool you almost forget about the corny dialogue, the huge explosions and…dare I say it…Megan Fox. Michael Bay has done The Rock, Armageddon, and Pearl Harbor. The Rock was the only one that was any good, but not the only one that was entertaining. But despite The Rock being more mature and violent, Transformers is Bay’s best film. Why? Because the film is a dream come true for Transformers-die hard fanboys and casual moviegoers alike: A big-budget action flick with awesome movie stars: human and otherwise. B+
“Bumblebee was a good soldier. We will not let him have died in vain! Now we will fight! To! Avenge! Bumblebee!”
Let me get this straight: for this stupid mess of a movie and the stupid toys of which it is based: I hate the source material on which it is based. That is the huge obstacle, the bridge, that you have to overcome to enjoy Transformers, and whilst I had no I idea I possibly had it in me, I jumped that bridge and made it. Despite almost being knocked back over.
So yes, it is a stupid mess of a movie, but a deliriously entertaining, shamelessly corny, stupid mess of a movie. It takes pride in the one-dimensional characters, the corny dialogue and clichés. But, while not being anywhere near greatness, it does quite well with the casting decisions…Especially that of Shia LaBeouf. He demonstrated his appeal in Holes and Surf’s Up, but the recent smash hit Disturbia showed his potential as an actor, a leading man. Here, he’s charismatic, charming, and can cook up a punch here and there too. He’s the best thing about the film, aside from the robots themselves.
There’s no real plot. There’s two races: Autobots (good guys) and Decepticons (bad guys). Their energy source is the Cube, which along with the leader of the Decepticons have been under military security for 60-odd years. Now, the Autobots and the Decepticons have awoken, and will duke it out on Earth in grand fashion…And the key to the Autobots’ victory lies in teenagers Sam Witwicky and Mikaela, whose destiny was intertwined with the Transformers nearly a century before.
Newcomer Megan Fox is generally easy on the eyes, and surprisingly good in the film as the teenage galpal. Along with Jon Voight as a military commander, John Turturro as a cocky general, Anthony Anderson as a computer hacker, and Tyrese Gibson & Josh Duhamel as two brave soldiers, it’s a pretty cool live-action cast.
And yet, the Transformers are so cool you almost forget about the corny dialogue, the huge explosions and…dare I say it…Megan Fox. Michael Bay has done The Rock, Armageddon, and Pearl Harbor. The Rock was the only one that was any good, but not the only one that was entertaining. But despite The Rock being more mature and violent, Transformers is Bay’s best film. Why? Because the film is a dream come true for Transformers-die hard fanboys and casual moviegoers alike: A big-budget action flick with awesome movie stars: human and otherwise. B+
Monday, July 2, 2007
Sicko
Ever-controversial filmmaker Michael Moore has tangoed with General Motors, firearms, and George Bush in his documentaries. Now, in his softest and most sentimental film yet, he takes on…AMERICAN HEALTH CARE! (Dramatic fanfare)
Moore has stirred up controversy with every documentary he’s made. With Bowling for Columbine, Roger & Me, and Fahrenheit 9/11, his films normally are much more one-sided. Where Fahrenheit 9/11 viciously, repeat, VICIOUSLY, attacked the Bush administration. And within the first two minutes of this movie, you can tell that he isn’t gonna change his opinions, but he’s lightening up dramatically.
The movie starts out with a lot of true stories of the wrath of health care. A man saws off two of his fingers in an accident. He can either replace the middle finger for $60,000, or replace his ring finger for $12,000. He picks the sentimental choice, the ring finger. As Moore points out, the middle finger is now in an Oregon landfill. It is disgusting to me that…that American health care is now putting values on people’s body parts.
Another story has a woman whose little girl died after she was denied an operation. And they had full insurance coverage. Another shows a doctor confessing on C-SPAN that she was forced to deny a man an operation that would have saved his life because it would have saved the company half a million dollars.
Where in America the doctors get raises for turning down patients, in Britain, France, and several other countries not only is health care almost free (aside from taxes), in France child care is $1 an hour and they have people do their laundry free of charge. And yet here, in America, it costs thousands of dollars for a minor surgery.
The controversial trip to Cuba is the subject for the last 30 minutes, with Michael Moore taking 3 9/11 workers to Cuba to get proper, free, health care. A moment of sheer emotion is when one of the 9/11 workers gets medicine she couldn’t afford from Cuba for 5 cents in what would have cost thousands in the U.S.
Much of the material covered here is very, very tragic, but Moore has a tendency to meld devastating material and gut-busting humor, and yet make it smooth and zippy. This is a sad, furious, hilarious open letter to America: Get universal health care. Well, Mr. Moore, you’ve got another believer here. A-
Moore has stirred up controversy with every documentary he’s made. With Bowling for Columbine, Roger & Me, and Fahrenheit 9/11, his films normally are much more one-sided. Where Fahrenheit 9/11 viciously, repeat, VICIOUSLY, attacked the Bush administration. And within the first two minutes of this movie, you can tell that he isn’t gonna change his opinions, but he’s lightening up dramatically.
The movie starts out with a lot of true stories of the wrath of health care. A man saws off two of his fingers in an accident. He can either replace the middle finger for $60,000, or replace his ring finger for $12,000. He picks the sentimental choice, the ring finger. As Moore points out, the middle finger is now in an Oregon landfill. It is disgusting to me that…that American health care is now putting values on people’s body parts.
Another story has a woman whose little girl died after she was denied an operation. And they had full insurance coverage. Another shows a doctor confessing on C-SPAN that she was forced to deny a man an operation that would have saved his life because it would have saved the company half a million dollars.
Where in America the doctors get raises for turning down patients, in Britain, France, and several other countries not only is health care almost free (aside from taxes), in France child care is $1 an hour and they have people do their laundry free of charge. And yet here, in America, it costs thousands of dollars for a minor surgery.
The controversial trip to Cuba is the subject for the last 30 minutes, with Michael Moore taking 3 9/11 workers to Cuba to get proper, free, health care. A moment of sheer emotion is when one of the 9/11 workers gets medicine she couldn’t afford from Cuba for 5 cents in what would have cost thousands in the U.S.
Much of the material covered here is very, very tragic, but Moore has a tendency to meld devastating material and gut-busting humor, and yet make it smooth and zippy. This is a sad, furious, hilarious open letter to America: Get universal health care. Well, Mr. Moore, you’ve got another believer here. A-
Friday, June 29, 2007
Live Free Or Die Hard
An advanced note to the die-hard Die Hard fans out there who haven’t seen it:
A lot of prejudice has been thrown at this movie, especially on the Internet. All because it’s PG-13, instead of the R ratings of the original three films. Well, now that it is here I truly say Die Hard, despite the new PG-13 rating slapped on, it is as hardcore and action-packed as quite possibly almost any R movie in recent memory. So what if the f-words are shaved off? John McClane’s trademark phrase ‘yippee-ki-yay’ is still here, in it’s most memorable appearance.
John McClane’s back in fine form in the super-hyped sequel, Live Free or Die Hard. And, in John McClane’s own words, there’s a lot to yippee-ki-yay about. Bruce Willis is reprising his role, and he still, (despite being 12 years older) has that New York-tough cop attitude. And yes, he’s still practically like Superman, with hundreds of sharpshooters shooting machine guns at him and not a bullet grazes him.
12 years after the events of Die Hard With A Vengeance, John McClane has been promoted to a lieutenant, divorced from his wife, and his daughter in contempt has changed her last name to Genarro. So, anyway, a large group of hackers begin to terrorize America, hacking into every computer in the United States and wreaking havoc.
Well, now the FBI wants to haul in every hacker in the U.S. for questioning, and our reliable protagonist John McClane is assigned to escort Matthew Farrell to D.C. It turns out several hackers were unknowingly employed to build code for the mega-hack the bad guys used…The bad guys want to take out Matt, and they’re gonna have to go through John McClane to kill him. But when they kidnap John’s daughter, it gets REALLY personal.
This film sports some of the most ludicrous and yet tantalizingly entertaining action scenes ever filmed, although some of them aren’t completely original. Still, it is a lot of fun to watch. Justin Long is surprisingly good in this, despite being cast against type. And watch for Kevin Smith in a hilarious cameo that had the whole theater rolling on the floor.
And that’s another factor. Live Free or Die Hard works not just as a hardcore action flick, but a cautionary tale, and a comedy. Yes, that’s right. Top that off with the great reviews this film is getting, and call it a true summer blockbuster.
This film has outbursts of huge laughs. It’s hilarious watching Bruce Willis square off with the bad guys, but they aren’t very menacing. Where Alan Rickman from the original Die Hard stole the show, Timothy Olyphant is here instead and sure, he has a good menacing grin occasionally, but he’s generally a wimp.
Lets say, he gets his comeuppance.
It’s not a flick to bring your brain to. Just grab a huge bucket of popcorn and walk in with your adrenaline pumped up and you’ll die hard trying not to love it. B+
A lot of prejudice has been thrown at this movie, especially on the Internet. All because it’s PG-13, instead of the R ratings of the original three films. Well, now that it is here I truly say Die Hard, despite the new PG-13 rating slapped on, it is as hardcore and action-packed as quite possibly almost any R movie in recent memory. So what if the f-words are shaved off? John McClane’s trademark phrase ‘yippee-ki-yay’ is still here, in it’s most memorable appearance.
John McClane’s back in fine form in the super-hyped sequel, Live Free or Die Hard. And, in John McClane’s own words, there’s a lot to yippee-ki-yay about. Bruce Willis is reprising his role, and he still, (despite being 12 years older) has that New York-tough cop attitude. And yes, he’s still practically like Superman, with hundreds of sharpshooters shooting machine guns at him and not a bullet grazes him.
12 years after the events of Die Hard With A Vengeance, John McClane has been promoted to a lieutenant, divorced from his wife, and his daughter in contempt has changed her last name to Genarro. So, anyway, a large group of hackers begin to terrorize America, hacking into every computer in the United States and wreaking havoc.
Well, now the FBI wants to haul in every hacker in the U.S. for questioning, and our reliable protagonist John McClane is assigned to escort Matthew Farrell to D.C. It turns out several hackers were unknowingly employed to build code for the mega-hack the bad guys used…The bad guys want to take out Matt, and they’re gonna have to go through John McClane to kill him. But when they kidnap John’s daughter, it gets REALLY personal.
This film sports some of the most ludicrous and yet tantalizingly entertaining action scenes ever filmed, although some of them aren’t completely original. Still, it is a lot of fun to watch. Justin Long is surprisingly good in this, despite being cast against type. And watch for Kevin Smith in a hilarious cameo that had the whole theater rolling on the floor.
And that’s another factor. Live Free or Die Hard works not just as a hardcore action flick, but a cautionary tale, and a comedy. Yes, that’s right. Top that off with the great reviews this film is getting, and call it a true summer blockbuster.
This film has outbursts of huge laughs. It’s hilarious watching Bruce Willis square off with the bad guys, but they aren’t very menacing. Where Alan Rickman from the original Die Hard stole the show, Timothy Olyphant is here instead and sure, he has a good menacing grin occasionally, but he’s generally a wimp.
Lets say, he gets his comeuppance.
It’s not a flick to bring your brain to. Just grab a huge bucket of popcorn and walk in with your adrenaline pumped up and you’ll die hard trying not to love it. B+
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer
2005. A year of great comic book movies, generally. Batman Begins, for example. But it was also the year that the disease struck America…The disease known as…Fantastic Four! Despite being an overwrought mess of a movie, it managed to make $160 million domestically! Be there any justice in this world?
Yep, the profits were huge, so 2 years later, guess what we get? A sequel! Now, if Hollywood was going by the book, considering the first was terrible, logic dictates that this will s-u-c-k. Well, I tried as hard as I could to hate it. Instead, despite not quite giving it two thumbs up, it gets a very high split. In other words, a 6/10.
A quick debriefing of the characters and their superpowers:
- Reed Richards (a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic): Can stretch any part of his body to great length.
- Sue Storm (a.k.a. Invisible Woman): Can turn any part of her body completely invisible.
- Johnny Storm (a.k.a. Human Torch): Can engulf any part of his body in flames without effect, and can use that power to fly.
- Ben Grimm (a.k.a. The Thing): Cannot alter his physical state: in other words: is a big, strong, hulk-like monster good guy.
- Victor Von Doom (a.k.a. Dr. Doom): The bad guy from the last movie…Now he has Terminator-like powers, and instantly heals after any injury. He’s practically unstoppable.
OK…After several delays, Reed and Sue attempt to get married for the fourth time. But after several bizarre weather obscenities occur, they are linked to a mysterious figure recently discovered on Earth…His name is the Silver Surfer. He’s a shiny, silvery alien who races around Earth on a surfboard…It turns out every planet the Silver Surfer visits, eight days later it explodes.
Can the Fantastic 4 save Earth from the Silver Surfer, a corrupt general, AND Dr. Doom?
The Silver Surfer is a marvel of computer technology, a truly memorable character. He looks incredibly life-like, even if Laurence Fishburne’s voiceover doesn’t suit the character. Now, the action sequences don’t disappoint, and Chris Evans brings a real spice to his character, The Human Torch…But the other performances are dry. Jessica Alba is very attractive, but her blonde hairdo looks lame. So does her scientist glasses. Her character is generally wasted, but The Thing and Human Torch have great chemistry that really makes up for it…And the dialogue is improved over the first.
The characters are stereotypical, and towards the end a character does something so stupid it almost ruins the movie entirely. Well, it kinda does, at least it’s second half. Some characters are thrown away when they get interesting, and the nightclub scene is awkward and unrealistic, but the action doesn’t disappoint and it’s an astronomical improvement over the first, even if I can’t quite recommend it. C+
Yep, the profits were huge, so 2 years later, guess what we get? A sequel! Now, if Hollywood was going by the book, considering the first was terrible, logic dictates that this will s-u-c-k. Well, I tried as hard as I could to hate it. Instead, despite not quite giving it two thumbs up, it gets a very high split. In other words, a 6/10.
A quick debriefing of the characters and their superpowers:
- Reed Richards (a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic): Can stretch any part of his body to great length.
- Sue Storm (a.k.a. Invisible Woman): Can turn any part of her body completely invisible.
- Johnny Storm (a.k.a. Human Torch): Can engulf any part of his body in flames without effect, and can use that power to fly.
- Ben Grimm (a.k.a. The Thing): Cannot alter his physical state: in other words: is a big, strong, hulk-like monster good guy.
- Victor Von Doom (a.k.a. Dr. Doom): The bad guy from the last movie…Now he has Terminator-like powers, and instantly heals after any injury. He’s practically unstoppable.
OK…After several delays, Reed and Sue attempt to get married for the fourth time. But after several bizarre weather obscenities occur, they are linked to a mysterious figure recently discovered on Earth…His name is the Silver Surfer. He’s a shiny, silvery alien who races around Earth on a surfboard…It turns out every planet the Silver Surfer visits, eight days later it explodes.
Can the Fantastic 4 save Earth from the Silver Surfer, a corrupt general, AND Dr. Doom?
The Silver Surfer is a marvel of computer technology, a truly memorable character. He looks incredibly life-like, even if Laurence Fishburne’s voiceover doesn’t suit the character. Now, the action sequences don’t disappoint, and Chris Evans brings a real spice to his character, The Human Torch…But the other performances are dry. Jessica Alba is very attractive, but her blonde hairdo looks lame. So does her scientist glasses. Her character is generally wasted, but The Thing and Human Torch have great chemistry that really makes up for it…And the dialogue is improved over the first.
The characters are stereotypical, and towards the end a character does something so stupid it almost ruins the movie entirely. Well, it kinda does, at least it’s second half. Some characters are thrown away when they get interesting, and the nightclub scene is awkward and unrealistic, but the action doesn’t disappoint and it’s an astronomical improvement over the first, even if I can’t quite recommend it. C+
Ratatouille
(Note: As of this writing it will be 12 days before Ratatouille hits theaters, but since I saw it at a sneak preview, I decided to review it over Fantastic Four 2. Don’t worry, I’ll review Fantastic Four 2 next week and likely give it a negative review.)
Toys living their own lives and adventures, battling for the affection of their owners.
Bugs unknowingly hiring actors to fight off enemy bugs.
Monsters being more afraid of kids than likewise.
A clownfish desperate to find his son, aided by a fellow amnesiac fish.
A dysfunctional superhero family who come out of retirement.
A hot-shot racecar who discovers what life is like in the slow lane.
And now, a kitchen rat who aspires to be a chef in Paris.
What are these genius ideas I am listing? Well, the plotlines that the geniuses at PIXAR Animation Studios have cooked up over the years for their masterpieces. Yesterday I caught a sneak preview of Pixar’s newest film, Ratatouille at my local theater. And come June 29, sure, Die Hard 4 and that new Michael Moore documentary are coming out…But this is the film to see.
PIXAR has yet to falter, and every film they’ve made sports an excellent plot, a great voice ensemble, and revolutionary animation. Ratatouille not only fits all those categories, but ranks with Toy Story and Finding Nemo as PIXAR’s best of the best.
Remy is a rat whose extraordinary sense of smell nets him a job among his vast family of fellow rats: food checker. See, whilst Remy’s large family tree prefer eating (literally) garbage, Remy sneaks into a house regularly and cooks up delicious meals. And the best part about liking fine food? He’s in France! But the worst part? Being a rat, eating fine food for rats is like eating garbage for us.
One day while Remy is making a delicious recipe in an old lady’s house (don’t ask), he gets caught and through odd circumstances gets separated from his family. He winds up in Paris, and soon discovers the great food…So while he is in a restaurant kitchen, he makes a great soup and…gets discovered. But he befriends the garbage boy Linguini and they gradually become better and better friends. Linguini doesn’t speak rat, but Remy understands human talk so when Linguini discovers Remy’s passion for making food, they work out a system where Remy controls Linguini’s movements so that when Remy is pulling the meal together, it’s on Linguini’s movements. So at the restaurant, now everyone applauds Remy’s recipes, thinking that it’s Linguini working the magic.
This of course, does not go unnoticed. Indeed, as the scheming owner of the restaurant suspects something is up with Linguini, he devises several plans to ruin Linguini, all which backfire. But how long can Linguini keep this up? If at all? Brad Bird, director of several Simpsons episodes, The Iron Giant, and The Incredibles has long been one of the best animation directors of all time. But where The Iron Giant and The Incredibles didn’t have many roots into genuine reality, this (despite the rat chef thing) has many real-life issues that really, really work in a kids movie.
Now that Shrek 2, Finding Nemo, and The Incredibles were smash hits, every studio in every corner is sending out computer-generated kids movies, and not many of them are good. But PIXAR remains faithful. Their animation, ensemble casts, and plots get better and better, and I, for one am their biggest fan. I see no flaw with this movie, it is pure magic. A
Toys living their own lives and adventures, battling for the affection of their owners.
Bugs unknowingly hiring actors to fight off enemy bugs.
Monsters being more afraid of kids than likewise.
A clownfish desperate to find his son, aided by a fellow amnesiac fish.
A dysfunctional superhero family who come out of retirement.
A hot-shot racecar who discovers what life is like in the slow lane.
And now, a kitchen rat who aspires to be a chef in Paris.
What are these genius ideas I am listing? Well, the plotlines that the geniuses at PIXAR Animation Studios have cooked up over the years for their masterpieces. Yesterday I caught a sneak preview of Pixar’s newest film, Ratatouille at my local theater. And come June 29, sure, Die Hard 4 and that new Michael Moore documentary are coming out…But this is the film to see.
PIXAR has yet to falter, and every film they’ve made sports an excellent plot, a great voice ensemble, and revolutionary animation. Ratatouille not only fits all those categories, but ranks with Toy Story and Finding Nemo as PIXAR’s best of the best.
Remy is a rat whose extraordinary sense of smell nets him a job among his vast family of fellow rats: food checker. See, whilst Remy’s large family tree prefer eating (literally) garbage, Remy sneaks into a house regularly and cooks up delicious meals. And the best part about liking fine food? He’s in France! But the worst part? Being a rat, eating fine food for rats is like eating garbage for us.
One day while Remy is making a delicious recipe in an old lady’s house (don’t ask), he gets caught and through odd circumstances gets separated from his family. He winds up in Paris, and soon discovers the great food…So while he is in a restaurant kitchen, he makes a great soup and…gets discovered. But he befriends the garbage boy Linguini and they gradually become better and better friends. Linguini doesn’t speak rat, but Remy understands human talk so when Linguini discovers Remy’s passion for making food, they work out a system where Remy controls Linguini’s movements so that when Remy is pulling the meal together, it’s on Linguini’s movements. So at the restaurant, now everyone applauds Remy’s recipes, thinking that it’s Linguini working the magic.
This of course, does not go unnoticed. Indeed, as the scheming owner of the restaurant suspects something is up with Linguini, he devises several plans to ruin Linguini, all which backfire. But how long can Linguini keep this up? If at all? Brad Bird, director of several Simpsons episodes, The Iron Giant, and The Incredibles has long been one of the best animation directors of all time. But where The Iron Giant and The Incredibles didn’t have many roots into genuine reality, this (despite the rat chef thing) has many real-life issues that really, really work in a kids movie.
Now that Shrek 2, Finding Nemo, and The Incredibles were smash hits, every studio in every corner is sending out computer-generated kids movies, and not many of them are good. But PIXAR remains faithful. Their animation, ensemble casts, and plots get better and better, and I, for one am their biggest fan. I see no flaw with this movie, it is pure magic. A
Ocean's 13
George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and company are back in the fourth threequel to hit theatres this summer: Ocean's 13. After the 700-odd million bucks earned by the first two and the so-so reviews for the second, its clear they felt they had something to prove, to apologize for it.
And so, they tried a new tactic. How about ditching megastars Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones for screen legends Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin? Call it a plan and count me in. This film ups the budget, the wit, the style, and the quality over Ocean’s 12, but falls a tad short of 11. George Clooney jokingly suggested they call it Ocean’s 13: The One We Should Have Made Last Time. Well, Mr. Clooney, I enjoyed your picture, Ocean’s 12. But that title you suggested was fitting.
Here’s a list of the (several) characters in this film, for reference.
1. George Clooney is Danny Ocean, the mastermind behind this entire plot.
2. Brad Pitt is Rusty, the macho guy designed for the purpose of staring at.
3. Matt Damon is Linus, the pickpocket-in-training who debuts a fake prosthetic nose.
4. Andy Garcia is Terry, the cigar-chomping ex-baddie who joins Danny and his gang.
5. Don Cheadle is Basher, the stubborn explosives expert.
6. Bernie Mac is Frank, the fast-talker.
7. Al Pacino is Willy, the bad guy hotel-owner with more than one dirty secret.
8. Ellen Barkin is Abigail, Willy’s gal-pal and hotel co-owner.
9. Elliot Gould is Reuben, the mentor who lies catatonic after Willy betrays him.
10. Casey Affleck is Virgil, the first of two bickering brothers.
11. Scott Caan is Turk, the second of two bickering brothers.
12. Carl Reiner is Saul, the old-timer/disguise supplier.
13. Eddie Jemison is Livingston, the stereotypical nerd.
14. Shaobo Qin is Yen, the Chinese midget.
Now that I got that out of the way, I’ll tell you the plot. Despite warnings from Danny, Reuben makes a real-estate deal with Willy and (surprise surprise!) is betrayed, and after extreme shock lies catatonic for a long time. Now Danny and his 11 other goons are out for revenge. So to fund the operation, they need to call in their ex-nemesis, Terry Benedict. Who only will fund the job if they steal diamonds from an extremely well-guarded vault.
Whilst the first one, Ocean’s 11, was good, stylish fun, Ocean’s 12 was agreed by many (including yours truly) to be probably a lot of fun to make, but not as much to watch. (Despite my positive review of it.) This is slick, funny, witty, smooth, and ultimately better than 12.
Everyone is very good in this film. Al Pacino does his thing, which is a very entertaining thing. George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Brad Pitt have true movie-star potential, and you can see that’s hard at work here. Ellen Barkin is good in an under-written role, with one fantastically funny scene where she absolutely steals the show. Let’s just say it involves Matt Damon and…elevated romance? (Saying it lightly)
The one thing that got me is the plot holes. Okay, so they get a drill to fake an earthquake to disrupt a security system. Fair enough. But how do they move it, how’d they get it underground? And while we get all the Brad Pitt and George Clooney one needs, the really likable characters, like Eddie Jemison and Don Cheadle, are wasted.
Overall, Ocean’s 13 is slick, sleek fun. It’s dialogue-driven (try that on a summer movie), but under-developed characters and plot holes bothered me. B
And so, they tried a new tactic. How about ditching megastars Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones for screen legends Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin? Call it a plan and count me in. This film ups the budget, the wit, the style, and the quality over Ocean’s 12, but falls a tad short of 11. George Clooney jokingly suggested they call it Ocean’s 13: The One We Should Have Made Last Time. Well, Mr. Clooney, I enjoyed your picture, Ocean’s 12. But that title you suggested was fitting.
Here’s a list of the (several) characters in this film, for reference.
1. George Clooney is Danny Ocean, the mastermind behind this entire plot.
2. Brad Pitt is Rusty, the macho guy designed for the purpose of staring at.
3. Matt Damon is Linus, the pickpocket-in-training who debuts a fake prosthetic nose.
4. Andy Garcia is Terry, the cigar-chomping ex-baddie who joins Danny and his gang.
5. Don Cheadle is Basher, the stubborn explosives expert.
6. Bernie Mac is Frank, the fast-talker.
7. Al Pacino is Willy, the bad guy hotel-owner with more than one dirty secret.
8. Ellen Barkin is Abigail, Willy’s gal-pal and hotel co-owner.
9. Elliot Gould is Reuben, the mentor who lies catatonic after Willy betrays him.
10. Casey Affleck is Virgil, the first of two bickering brothers.
11. Scott Caan is Turk, the second of two bickering brothers.
12. Carl Reiner is Saul, the old-timer/disguise supplier.
13. Eddie Jemison is Livingston, the stereotypical nerd.
14. Shaobo Qin is Yen, the Chinese midget.
Now that I got that out of the way, I’ll tell you the plot. Despite warnings from Danny, Reuben makes a real-estate deal with Willy and (surprise surprise!) is betrayed, and after extreme shock lies catatonic for a long time. Now Danny and his 11 other goons are out for revenge. So to fund the operation, they need to call in their ex-nemesis, Terry Benedict. Who only will fund the job if they steal diamonds from an extremely well-guarded vault.
Whilst the first one, Ocean’s 11, was good, stylish fun, Ocean’s 12 was agreed by many (including yours truly) to be probably a lot of fun to make, but not as much to watch. (Despite my positive review of it.) This is slick, funny, witty, smooth, and ultimately better than 12.
Everyone is very good in this film. Al Pacino does his thing, which is a very entertaining thing. George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Brad Pitt have true movie-star potential, and you can see that’s hard at work here. Ellen Barkin is good in an under-written role, with one fantastically funny scene where she absolutely steals the show. Let’s just say it involves Matt Damon and…elevated romance? (Saying it lightly)
The one thing that got me is the plot holes. Okay, so they get a drill to fake an earthquake to disrupt a security system. Fair enough. But how do they move it, how’d they get it underground? And while we get all the Brad Pitt and George Clooney one needs, the really likable characters, like Eddie Jemison and Don Cheadle, are wasted.
Overall, Ocean’s 13 is slick, sleek fun. It’s dialogue-driven (try that on a summer movie), but under-developed characters and plot holes bothered me. B
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Captain Jack is back in the sequel ‘At World’s End’. It’s not really as much a sequel to last year’s ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ as a continuation, and a fine continuation it is. Now, cliffhanger second films have generally sported worthy continuations, like Back to the Future 3 and The Matrix 3. And Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is better than those two films I just mentioned, and although it barely falls short of the first Pirates, it improves on the second film ten-fold. (And I liked that one.)
When my expectations fell short for Spidey 3 and Shrek 3 was really good but not excellent, all eyes turned on this. Sure, the second one got decidedly mixed reviews, but the cliffhanger ending (while being a cheap trick) left people wanting more Pirates. Well, here they get it. Almost everything is wrapped up nicely (the unanswered questions weren’t big enough to warrant an explanation), but one major character’s outcome really, really bothered me.
You might want to walk into the theater armed with three things:
1) A chart to decipher what’s going on.
2) A checklist to check off which characters are dead or faking it. You’ll check off a lot of people.
3) Kleenex.
The film’s a healthy 2 hours 50 minutes long, with about as many subplots and contrivances as, say, Babel and Spider-Man 3 combined. But who cares? This is an summer blockbuster! Cut it slack, not least of which cause of the billions of bucks it makes.
We start immediately where the second film left off, where the once-bad guy Captain Barbossa comes back from the dead to help Will, Elizabeth and company rescue Jack Sparrow from Davy Jones’ locker. They go to pirate lord Sao Feng for help, and are rudely interrupted in their conversation by only, say, the entire British navy in a huge attack.
In a primary subplot would-be weds Will Turner and Elizabeth are ticked at each other for various reasons – the primary one being Will mistook Elizabeth for kissing Jack. So when Will, Elizabeth, Barbossa and company finally rescue Jack from Davy Jones’ locker (or, World’s End), Jack is delusional to the point of talking to himself and imagining several other Jacks around him – resulting in a rather dull, prolonged sequence.
Freaky, tentacle-lauded sea lord Davy Jones is REALLY mad at Jack, especially after Jack succeeded in taking stealing his much-treasured Dead Man’s Chest (which winds up in the hands of the British army, in other words Lord Becket), evading and killing his “pet” sea-monster The Kraken, and being associated with all Davy’s enemies – and his ex-flame. So when he hears of Jack being rescued from, er, Jones’ locker, he combines his gruesome army of sea-monsters with the vast British forces, and voila, you got one dang big army.
With the wily Captain Jack Sparrow, the brave Will Turner, the newly-elected-pirate-king Elizabeth Turner, and lots and lots of eccentric pirates from all over the world join to fight the greatest army ever forged. But with Elizabeth’s father dead, Will’s father a rotting monster-guy on Davy Jones’ ship, and Jack’s dad one of the nine pirate lords, there’s lots of extra motivations and betrayals thrown into the mix…
And the last hour has the most mind-blowing action ever since the last ½ hour of Terminator 2, and that was 1991. The entire scene probably cost a good $100 million – out of the reported $300 million cost of the film. The battle between good pirates, bad pirates, monsters, and the entire British army is incredible and easily gets this film the high rating I give it. Now, mind you, some scenes lacked satisfying conclusion and others complete purpose – but the superb acting, action, and production design will blow the minds of many.
As it did mine. A-
When my expectations fell short for Spidey 3 and Shrek 3 was really good but not excellent, all eyes turned on this. Sure, the second one got decidedly mixed reviews, but the cliffhanger ending (while being a cheap trick) left people wanting more Pirates. Well, here they get it. Almost everything is wrapped up nicely (the unanswered questions weren’t big enough to warrant an explanation), but one major character’s outcome really, really bothered me.
You might want to walk into the theater armed with three things:
1) A chart to decipher what’s going on.
2) A checklist to check off which characters are dead or faking it. You’ll check off a lot of people.
3) Kleenex.
The film’s a healthy 2 hours 50 minutes long, with about as many subplots and contrivances as, say, Babel and Spider-Man 3 combined. But who cares? This is an summer blockbuster! Cut it slack, not least of which cause of the billions of bucks it makes.
We start immediately where the second film left off, where the once-bad guy Captain Barbossa comes back from the dead to help Will, Elizabeth and company rescue Jack Sparrow from Davy Jones’ locker. They go to pirate lord Sao Feng for help, and are rudely interrupted in their conversation by only, say, the entire British navy in a huge attack.
In a primary subplot would-be weds Will Turner and Elizabeth are ticked at each other for various reasons – the primary one being Will mistook Elizabeth for kissing Jack. So when Will, Elizabeth, Barbossa and company finally rescue Jack from Davy Jones’ locker (or, World’s End), Jack is delusional to the point of talking to himself and imagining several other Jacks around him – resulting in a rather dull, prolonged sequence.
Freaky, tentacle-lauded sea lord Davy Jones is REALLY mad at Jack, especially after Jack succeeded in taking stealing his much-treasured Dead Man’s Chest (which winds up in the hands of the British army, in other words Lord Becket), evading and killing his “pet” sea-monster The Kraken, and being associated with all Davy’s enemies – and his ex-flame. So when he hears of Jack being rescued from, er, Jones’ locker, he combines his gruesome army of sea-monsters with the vast British forces, and voila, you got one dang big army.
With the wily Captain Jack Sparrow, the brave Will Turner, the newly-elected-pirate-king Elizabeth Turner, and lots and lots of eccentric pirates from all over the world join to fight the greatest army ever forged. But with Elizabeth’s father dead, Will’s father a rotting monster-guy on Davy Jones’ ship, and Jack’s dad one of the nine pirate lords, there’s lots of extra motivations and betrayals thrown into the mix…
And the last hour has the most mind-blowing action ever since the last ½ hour of Terminator 2, and that was 1991. The entire scene probably cost a good $100 million – out of the reported $300 million cost of the film. The battle between good pirates, bad pirates, monsters, and the entire British army is incredible and easily gets this film the high rating I give it. Now, mind you, some scenes lacked satisfying conclusion and others complete purpose – but the superb acting, action, and production design will blow the minds of many.
As it did mine. A-
Shrek the Third
Everyone’s favorite ogre is back in the sequel Shrek 3. Shrek 2 was the #1 animated moneymaker of all time and Shrek 1 was a smash with critics and audiences, so naturally they’re gonna make a third. And I respect that. I mean, I gave the first Shrek an A, the second an A-, and this one a B+. But if things turn out the way I predict it will, Shrek 4 will net a D. In the hands of Sky High/Deuce Bigalow director Mike Mitchell, disaster is imminent.
O, out of the depths I cry to you, DreamWorks Animation Studios.
DO – NOT – FINANCE – SHREK 4!
Ahem…Sorry. L My conscience took over. The new Shrek 3 is a wonderful movie that delivers kids-oriented jokes and pokes at adults and fairy tales like a Tommy gun. Everyone’s back, reprising their roles. And while the director of the first two Shrek’s, was making the Chronicles of Narnia, fellow animators Chris Miller and Raman Hui took the helm. And well, to be frank, their talent is obvious.
I will admit, the trailers for Shrek 3 looked terrible. The “My butt’s itching up a storm” line was stuck in my head for Lord knows how long. I read Roger Ebert’s 2.5/4 review (whilst he gave Shrek a 4/4) thinking, oh, boy. This will be a fiasco. So I reluctantly walked into the theater and was pleasantly surprised.
Ogres Shrek and Fiona are married, their friend Donkey has kids (they are absolutely adorable), and generally are living happily ever after. But this is interesting because it shows what happens after the good guys live happily ever after. Meanwhile, the evil Prince Charming has been reduced from the would-be heir to Far, Far Away to having a gig as an actor in a resturant, a change that doesn’t sit well with him.
When Fiona’s father, King Harold, kicks the bucket, it occurs to Shrek and Fiona that they need to find a new king, and quite frankly, Shrek doesn’t want the responsibility. Shrek is told of a new heir to the throne, a teenager named Arthur. So after Shrek, the loud-mouthed sidekick Donkey, and the ever-cute cat Puss in Boots set out to find Arthur (or, Artie) so he can become king. And, well, to be honest…Artie’s a dork.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Fiona, well, is…pregnant. (Another terrifying undertaking for Shrek). Prince Charming rounds up an army of villains to raid Far, Far Away. To take back the town, Fiona teams up with Queen Lillian, Snow White, Cinderella and the gang. But how long can they hold the town before Shrek convinces Artie to become king?
It kinda feels like the makers are running out of ideas, and if they do make Shrek 4 they oughta make it a prequel about Shrek’s early exploits before he meets Donkey and Fiona. I really, really liked this one. Sure, the predecessors are better by a lot, but that’s like comparing The Wizard of Oz to Gone With The Wind. The voiceovers are hilarious. Plus, talk-show host Regis Philbin, mega-pop star Justin Timberlake and British comedian Eric Idle are among the additions to the all-star cast. While their characters are generally brief, they are a worthy addition to the Shrek universe.
So, I thoroughly enjoyed this one, but the franchise should stop here. B+
O, out of the depths I cry to you, DreamWorks Animation Studios.
DO – NOT – FINANCE – SHREK 4!
Ahem…Sorry. L My conscience took over. The new Shrek 3 is a wonderful movie that delivers kids-oriented jokes and pokes at adults and fairy tales like a Tommy gun. Everyone’s back, reprising their roles. And while the director of the first two Shrek’s, was making the Chronicles of Narnia, fellow animators Chris Miller and Raman Hui took the helm. And well, to be frank, their talent is obvious.
I will admit, the trailers for Shrek 3 looked terrible. The “My butt’s itching up a storm” line was stuck in my head for Lord knows how long. I read Roger Ebert’s 2.5/4 review (whilst he gave Shrek a 4/4) thinking, oh, boy. This will be a fiasco. So I reluctantly walked into the theater and was pleasantly surprised.
Ogres Shrek and Fiona are married, their friend Donkey has kids (they are absolutely adorable), and generally are living happily ever after. But this is interesting because it shows what happens after the good guys live happily ever after. Meanwhile, the evil Prince Charming has been reduced from the would-be heir to Far, Far Away to having a gig as an actor in a resturant, a change that doesn’t sit well with him.
When Fiona’s father, King Harold, kicks the bucket, it occurs to Shrek and Fiona that they need to find a new king, and quite frankly, Shrek doesn’t want the responsibility. Shrek is told of a new heir to the throne, a teenager named Arthur. So after Shrek, the loud-mouthed sidekick Donkey, and the ever-cute cat Puss in Boots set out to find Arthur (or, Artie) so he can become king. And, well, to be honest…Artie’s a dork.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Fiona, well, is…pregnant. (Another terrifying undertaking for Shrek). Prince Charming rounds up an army of villains to raid Far, Far Away. To take back the town, Fiona teams up with Queen Lillian, Snow White, Cinderella and the gang. But how long can they hold the town before Shrek convinces Artie to become king?
It kinda feels like the makers are running out of ideas, and if they do make Shrek 4 they oughta make it a prequel about Shrek’s early exploits before he meets Donkey and Fiona. I really, really liked this one. Sure, the predecessors are better by a lot, but that’s like comparing The Wizard of Oz to Gone With The Wind. The voiceovers are hilarious. Plus, talk-show host Regis Philbin, mega-pop star Justin Timberlake and British comedian Eric Idle are among the additions to the all-star cast. While their characters are generally brief, they are a worthy addition to the Shrek universe.
So, I thoroughly enjoyed this one, but the franchise should stop here. B+
Spider-Man 3
Spidey’s back in black and gone bad in the (over)hyped sequel Spider-Man 3. I’ve almost literally been counting down the days to this movie ever since the day that Spiderman 2 came out, the film that I regard as one of the best comic book movies ever. Tobey Maguire gained my respect, proving that The Cider House Rules wasn’t a fluke. Doc Ock was pretty cool, too.
So, with all the praise I’m heaping on the first two flicks, why do I feel slightly disappointed? Well, for one, to get it onto the table, it’s probably the most entertaining movie so far this year. (A worthy competition.) So by the time you read this it’s Thursday and half of you guys have already seen it and derived your own opinions. My guess: maybe 50% of you guys were slightly disappointed but definitely entertained (like me), 25% loved it, and 25% hated it. Throw in maybe .001% who declare it the best movie ever.
But onto what I was saying. Why am I disappointed? Well, the last movie perfected the emotion of Peter and MJ’s relationship. No melodrama. In this, they both cry at least five times and have less great dialogue to work with. Other than those few gimping flaws, there’s nothing slacking or lacking.
For the first time in a while, Peter and MJ are doing great, contrary to the situation in the second movie. Pete’s superhero alter ego, Spider-Man, is adored by the press. Even the eccentric anti-Spider-Man editor of The Daily Bugle has gained some respect for the guy. MJ makes her debut on Broadway. Peter decides to propose to MJ, courtesy of his Aunt May’s treasured wedding ring.
Then, continuing a subplot from the second film, Harry becomes the Green Goblin and, considering he found out in the second film that his best buddy Peter was actually Spider-Man (see, Harry considers Spider-Man responsible for the death of his father) he attacks Peter, but instead of killing Spidey it nearly kills Harry. Now he has memory loss and can’t remember the last few months, or anything regarding Peter’s superhero alter ego.
Meanwhile, escaped convict Flint Marko is on the run to find money so he can obtain pricey medicine for his ailing daughter. When the police locate him, he escapes into a scientific test site (does anyone read the KEEP OUT signs?), and the scientists are too dang dumb to notice. When the machine goes off, it puts sand into the DNA of poor Marko and voila, Sandman is born.
While MJ and Peter are out on a date, a weird alien goo finds it’s way onto Peter…This goo apparently amplifies emotions, specifically rage. This does much:
1) Peter/Spidey begins to flirt with a girl that he saves…MJ gets jealous….You know the drill.
2) A five-minute sequence that could be funnier than anything in Blades of Glory…Lets say it involves a lot of dancing, flirting, eating, and overacting. All on Spidey’s part.
3) That new ambitious photographer, Eddie Brock, fakes photos of Spidey robbing a bank and turns the city against him…Peter proves the photos wrong and gets Eddie fired. And…well…through weird circumstances Eddie becomes Venom.
4) Peter gets paid three times as much as usual at his job.
Meanwhile…Apparently Flint/Sandman is the one who REALLY killed Pete’s uncle in the first flick, giving Spidey a motive to hate his guts. Meanwhile, Harry suddenly, despite apparent amnesia, in a flash remembers everything...Including his brutal fight with Spidey. That’s all in the first hour.
I really liked it. It was complex, action-packed, and quite funny. But at times it was kinda campy. And although many complain it was overlong, I complain it wasn’t long enough. B
So, with all the praise I’m heaping on the first two flicks, why do I feel slightly disappointed? Well, for one, to get it onto the table, it’s probably the most entertaining movie so far this year. (A worthy competition.) So by the time you read this it’s Thursday and half of you guys have already seen it and derived your own opinions. My guess: maybe 50% of you guys were slightly disappointed but definitely entertained (like me), 25% loved it, and 25% hated it. Throw in maybe .001% who declare it the best movie ever.
But onto what I was saying. Why am I disappointed? Well, the last movie perfected the emotion of Peter and MJ’s relationship. No melodrama. In this, they both cry at least five times and have less great dialogue to work with. Other than those few gimping flaws, there’s nothing slacking or lacking.
For the first time in a while, Peter and MJ are doing great, contrary to the situation in the second movie. Pete’s superhero alter ego, Spider-Man, is adored by the press. Even the eccentric anti-Spider-Man editor of The Daily Bugle has gained some respect for the guy. MJ makes her debut on Broadway. Peter decides to propose to MJ, courtesy of his Aunt May’s treasured wedding ring.
Then, continuing a subplot from the second film, Harry becomes the Green Goblin and, considering he found out in the second film that his best buddy Peter was actually Spider-Man (see, Harry considers Spider-Man responsible for the death of his father) he attacks Peter, but instead of killing Spidey it nearly kills Harry. Now he has memory loss and can’t remember the last few months, or anything regarding Peter’s superhero alter ego.
Meanwhile, escaped convict Flint Marko is on the run to find money so he can obtain pricey medicine for his ailing daughter. When the police locate him, he escapes into a scientific test site (does anyone read the KEEP OUT signs?), and the scientists are too dang dumb to notice. When the machine goes off, it puts sand into the DNA of poor Marko and voila, Sandman is born.
While MJ and Peter are out on a date, a weird alien goo finds it’s way onto Peter…This goo apparently amplifies emotions, specifically rage. This does much:
1) Peter/Spidey begins to flirt with a girl that he saves…MJ gets jealous….You know the drill.
2) A five-minute sequence that could be funnier than anything in Blades of Glory…Lets say it involves a lot of dancing, flirting, eating, and overacting. All on Spidey’s part.
3) That new ambitious photographer, Eddie Brock, fakes photos of Spidey robbing a bank and turns the city against him…Peter proves the photos wrong and gets Eddie fired. And…well…through weird circumstances Eddie becomes Venom.
4) Peter gets paid three times as much as usual at his job.
Meanwhile…Apparently Flint/Sandman is the one who REALLY killed Pete’s uncle in the first flick, giving Spidey a motive to hate his guts. Meanwhile, Harry suddenly, despite apparent amnesia, in a flash remembers everything...Including his brutal fight with Spidey. That’s all in the first hour.
I really liked it. It was complex, action-packed, and quite funny. But at times it was kinda campy. And although many complain it was overlong, I complain it wasn’t long enough. B
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